Skateboards Make Me Happy You Not So Much T-Shirt | Skateboard Humor












Skateboards Make Me Happy You Not So Much T-Shirt | Skateboard Humor

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WHEN YOUR THRESHOLD FOR HUMAN INTERACTION DROPS BELOW SPORTING GOODS
Finally, a mathematically precise way to communicate your social preferences without resorting to crude gestures or restraining orders. This shirt doesn't just express a sentiment—it establishes a clear hierarchical framework where wooden planks with wheels occupy a significantly higher position than certain members of Homo sapiens.
Our vintage-inspired design features a classic skateboarder in mid-ollie, blissfully unaware they're being used as a metric for measuring human disappointment. The flowing orange script delivers your message with the casual cruelty of someone who's spent considerable time calculating exactly where various people rank in their personal happiness algorithm.
The genius lies in the specificity. This isn't a blanket "people suck" statement—it's surgical precision social commentary. You're not antisocial; you're simply operating with refined standards where inanimate objects designed for recreational pavement navigation consistently outperform certain individuals in the joy-generation department.
While others waste time with vague passive-aggressive social media posts, you'll be wearing a peer-reviewed thesis on comparative happiness metrics, complete with visual aids and a control group (the skateboard).
PERFECT FOR
- Individuals whose social battery drains faster than their phone after iOS updates
- People who've scientifically proven that wooden boards provide more consistent emotional returns than human relationships
- Anyone who's ever looked at their skateboard and thought "at least you never borrow money and forget to pay it back"
- Those seeking a diplomatic way to inform others about their ranking in your personal affection index
- Skateboarders tired of explaining why they'd rather spend Friday night at the skate park than at Dave's house party
- People whose idea of small talk involves comparing the reliability of ceramic bearings to human emotional consistency
TECHNICAL DETAILS
- Premium ringspun cotton softer than the feelings you're definitely not hurting with this message
- Vintage-style graphics printed with the same attention to detail you wish people paid to reading social cues
- Pre-shrunk to ensure the message remains clear even after multiple washes (unlike some people's ability to take a hint)
- Double-needle sleeve and bottom hems engineered to outlast the awkward conversations this shirt will inevitably generate
- Shoulder-to-shoulder taping that provides structural integrity, much like the emotional boundaries you're establishing
- Available in sizes S-3XL (all sizes optimized for comfortable social distancing)
BACKSTORY
This design crystallized during a particularly enlightening afternoon when our head designer realized they'd had more meaningful interactions with their skateboard than with their neighbor in the past year. The skateboard never interrupted their music, never asked to borrow their WiFi password, and had never once tried to explain cryptocurrency while blocking the coffee shop line.
After spending twenty minutes having what felt like a deeper conversation with their board than most recent human exchanges, the truth became inescapable: some relationships are built on mutual respect and shared experiences, while others involve one party repeatedly disappointed by the other's inability to maintain ball bearings or provide reliable transportation to the nearest half-pipe.
Disclaimer: May cause increased honesty in social situations, spontaneous skateboard purchases, and the sudden realization that your board has never once left you hanging or asked you to help them move. Side effects include clarity about personal boundaries and an inexplicable urge to rate all relationships on a scale of "skateboard" to "slightly worse than stepping on LEGOs."
• 100% ring-spun cotton
• Sport Grey is 90% ring-spun cotton, 10% polyester
• Dark Heather is 65% polyester, 35% cotton
• 4.5 oz/yd² (153 g/m²)
• Shoulder-to-shoulder taping
• Quarter-turned to avoid crease down the center
• Blank product sourced from Bangladesh, Nicaragua, Honduras, Dominican Republic, Haiti or Guatemala
Disclaimer: Due to the fabric properties, the White color variant may appear off-white rather than bright white.
Age restrictions: For adults
EU Warranty: 2 years
Other compliance information: Meets the flammability, lead, cadmium, phthalates and formaldehyde level requirements.
In compliance with the General Product Safety Regulation (GPSR), Technium Foundry LLC and SINDEN VENTURES LIMITED ensure that all consumer products offered are safe and meet EU standards. For any product safety related inquiries or concerns, please contact our EU representative at gpsr@sindenventures.com. You can also write to us at 2201 Gibson Rd., Jacksonville, FL 32207, USA or Markou Evgenikou 11, Mesa Geitonia, 4002, Limassol, Cyprus.
Size guide
LENGTH (inches) | WIDTH (inches) | |
S | 28 | 18 |
M | 29 | 20 |
L | 30 | 22 |
XL | 31 | 24 |
2XL | 32 | 26 |