Scientist T-Shirt | Yes I Am A Sly-entist | Academic Clown

Description

Enter the twisted carnival of academia with our "YES, I AM A SLY-ENTIST!" nightmare fuel masterpiece – celebrating the researchers who've discovered that the real horror isn't what lurks in the laboratory, but what happens when you combine advanced degrees with a complete disregard for social conventions and an inexplicable fondness for terrifying small children at science fairs. This delightfully disturbing design features our grinning academic nightmare, sporting UC Berkeley credentials and the kind of smile that suggests his last experiment involved either groundbreaking discoveries or violations of several international treaties.

The red-splattered lab coat tells its own story – either our sly-entist has been working with particularly enthusiastic tomatoes, or his approach to peer review has gotten significantly more hands-on than traditional academic protocols typically recommend. The "UC Berkeley" logo adds that perfect touch of institutional credibility, because nothing says "legitimate scientific authority" like combining Ivy League education with what appears to be a side career in haunting graduate students' nightmares.

It's essentially what happens when you give someone with a PhD access to both advanced laboratory equipment and a complete misunderstanding of appropriate workplace behavior, resulting in scientific breakthroughs that probably shouldn't be published in peer-reviewed journals so much as reported to local authorities.

Technical Details

• Premium cotton blend (75% cotton, 25% academic anxiety, trace amounts of existential laboratory dread)
• Dark academia printing using our exclusive "Nightmare Fuel™" technique with horror-movie accurate color saturation
• Clown scientist graphics rendered with authentic academic terror (no actual researchers were psychologically damaged during design)
• Smile authenticity levels calibrated for optimal performance during thesis defense nightmares
• Pre-shrunk using controlled academic pressure (no graduate students were harmed in the process)
• Available in Academic Black (pictured), Laboratory Red, Dissertation Blue, and Tenure-Track Gray
• Double-needle stitching more reliable than most research funding cycles
• Ribbed collar maintains structural integrity better than most academic careers
• Sizes: S-XXXL (measurements taken using conventional rulers, not psychological assessment tools)
• Each shirt comes with a complimentary sense of academic dread and realistic expectations about research ethics

Backstory

The "Sly-entist" design emerged when our lead artist realized that academic researchers essentially spend their careers as professional question-askers who've developed the social skills of carnival performers and the moral flexibility of used car salesmen, except their product is knowledge and their warranty explicitly states that results may cause existential crises. After discovering that scientists work with the kind of enthusiasm typically reserved for people who've made peace with the fact that their life's work might accidentally end civilization, our designer experienced what academics call "research vertigo" – the disorienting realization that some people's daily work involves poking the universe with sticks just to see what happens.

Created in the style of vintage horror movie posters with a distinctly academic twist, this artwork celebrates science's unique position as the field where "I wonder what would happen if..." became both a legitimate research methodology and a potential threat to public safety. The grinning researcher represents every scientist who's learned that advancing human knowledge requires approximately the same moral flexibility as carnival work, except the audience is peer reviewers and the tricks involve manipulating the fundamental forces of reality.

Each purchase contributes to our "Academic Horror Awareness Initiative," providing appropriate counseling services for graduate students who've realized that their advisors might be slightly more enthusiastic about research than strictly necessary for human welfare.

Perfect For

• Research scientists who've mastered the art of making groundbreaking discoveries while maintaining appropriately unsettling levels of enthusiasm
• University professors whose job descriptions include "expanding human knowledge" and "occasionally terrifying undergraduate students"
• Laboratory researchers who've learned that scientific advancement requires both rigorous methodology and the social skills of professional entertainers
• Anyone who's ever tried to explain why their research involves procedures that sound suspiciously like horror movie plots
• Graduate students who design experiments that make their advisors smile in ways that violate several academic ethics guidelines
• Academic researchers who've made peace with the fact that their work occasionally requires explaining things to institutional review boards
• University faculty learning that scientific communication involves both peer review and public relations for potentially world-ending discoveries
• Research scientists whose experimental subjects occasionally require both informed consent and psychological preparation
• Anyone whose precision requirements make surgical procedures look like finger painting with safety scissors
• Gift-givers seeking the perfect "congratulations on advancing human knowledge inappropriately" present

• 100% ring-spun cotton
• Sport Grey is 90% ring-spun cotton, 10% polyester
• Dark Heather is 65% polyester, 35% cotton
• 4.5 oz/yd² (153 g/m²)
• Shoulder-to-shoulder taping
• Quarter-turned to avoid crease down the center
• Blank product sourced from Bangladesh, Nicaragua, Honduras, Dominican Republic, Haiti or Guatemala

Disclaimer: Due to the fabric properties, the White color variant may appear off-white rather than bright white.

Age restrictions: For adults
EU Warranty: 2 years
Other compliance information: Meets the flammability, lead, cadmium, phthalates and formaldehyde level requirements.

In compliance with the General Product Safety Regulation (GPSR), Technium Foundry LLC and SINDEN VENTURES LIMITED ensure that all consumer products offered are safe and meet EU standards. For any product safety related inquiries or concerns, please contact our EU representative at gpsr@sindenventures.com. You can also write to us at 2201 Gibson Rd., Jacksonville, FL 32207, USA or Markou Evgenikou 11, Mesa Geitonia, 4002, Limassol, Cyprus.

Size guide