Mars Colonies T-Shirt | Like Camping But Permanently Terrifying

Description

Embark on the ultimate off-world adventure with our "Mars Colonies" tee – where the great outdoors extends into the great beyond! This retro-futuristic masterpiece depicts humanity's most ambitious camping trip: attempting to survive on a rust-colored rock 140 million miles from the nearest convenience store.

Our signature design showcases a magnificent hovering colony ship against the backdrop of an eerily beautiful Martian landscape dotted with structures that scream "we're totally prepared for this" (narrator: they weren't). The striking red, blue, and silver color palette pops against the charcoal shirt like emergency flares in the vacuum of space, while our tagline – "LIKE CAMPING BUT PERMANENTLY TERRIFYING" – captures that special feeling of realizing the nearest REI is on another planet. This isn't just a shirt; it's a cautionary tale about what happens when someone takes "getting away from it all" way too literally.

Technical Details

• Premium tri-blend fabric (50% cotton, 25% polyester, 25% Martian regolith simulant)
• 3-color retro screen printing using our exclusive "Cosmic Distress™" technique for that authentic 1970s sci-fi aesthetic
• Fade-resistant inks guaranteed to maintain vibrant colors in Earth's atmosphere for a minimum of 687 days (one Martian year)
• Reinforced seams designed to withstand microgravity conditions and unexpected pressure differentials
• Antimicrobial treatment prevents odor-causing bacteria (still can't help with that "three months in a space suit" smell)
• Available in Deep Space Charcoal (pictured), Oxygen Depletion Blue, and Red Planet Rust
• Specially designed collar prevents chafing against space suit connections
• Pre-shrunk to prevent awkward size changes during atmospheric reentry
• Sizes: S-XXXL (with extended sizing for post-cryosleep body changes)
• Each shirt comes with a mock "Mars Colonist Insurance Policy" printout

Backstory

The "Mars Colonies" design emerged from our lead artist's childhood trauma of being abandoned at summer camp, combined with an adult fascination with humanity's grand delusion that we're ready to live on a planet where the average temperature is -80°F and the atmosphere is 96% carbon dioxide. Inspired by equal parts NASA recruitment posters, 1950s pulp sci-fi covers, and that time our designer's tent collapsed during a thunderstorm in Yosemite, this artwork captures the beautiful human tradition of dramatically underestimating nature's hostility.

Created during a 48-hour design marathon fueled exclusively by freeze-dried astronaut ice cream and Tang, the artwork evolved from a simple sketch labeled "Mars: Where 'The Great Outdoors' Means Instant Death" to the fully-realized retro space masterpiece you see today. The inclusion of the hovering colony ship was inspired by actual NASA designs, while the surface structures were based on "what would happen if IKEA designed Mars habitats with slightly better instructions than usual."

Each purchase funds our "Reality Check" program, which sends aspiring Mars colonists to spend a weekend in an unheated storage unit with only a cactus for companionship.

Perfect For

• Astronomy enthusiasts who maintain a healthy fear of space
• Campers who've experienced the existential dread of forgetting the coffee
• Workplace pessimists who respond to "team building retreats" with doomsday scenarios
• Science teachers looking to combine education with low-grade psychological terror
• Anyone who's ever thought "this camping trip would be better if we couldn't breathe the air"
• Elon Musk skeptics with a wardrobe budget
• Space program employees who appreciate gallows humor
• People whose idea of "roughing it" includes having to use 4G instead of 5G
• Sci-fi fans who prefer their future predictions with a side of impending doom
• Gift-givers looking for the perfect "congratulations on your one-way ticket to Mars" present

• 100% ring-spun cotton
• Sport Grey is 90% ring-spun cotton, 10% polyester
• Dark Heather is 65% polyester, 35% cotton
• 4.5 oz/yd² (153 g/m²)
• Shoulder-to-shoulder taping
• Quarter-turned to avoid crease down the center
• Blank product sourced from Bangladesh, Nicaragua, Honduras, Dominican Republic, Haiti or Guatemala

Disclaimer: Due to the fabric properties, the White color variant may appear off-white rather than bright white.

Age restrictions: For adults
EU Warranty: 2 years
Other compliance information: Meets the flammability, lead, cadmium, phthalates and formaldehyde level requirements.

In compliance with the General Product Safety Regulation (GPSR), Technium Foundry LLC and SINDEN VENTURES LIMITED ensure that all consumer products offered are safe and meet EU standards. For any product safety related inquiries or concerns, please contact our EU representative at gpsr@sindenventures.com. You can also write to us at 2201 Gibson Rd., Jacksonville, FL 32207, USA or Markou Evgenikou 11, Mesa Geitonia, 4002, Limassol, Cyprus.

Size guide