Cosmology T-Shirt | Existential Crisis With Mathematical Backing

Description

Embrace the cosmic void with our "Cosmology: Existential Crisis With Mathematical Backing" masterpiece, where the periodic table meets planetary panic in the most scientifically accurate anxiety attack you'll ever wear. This stellar design combines the building blocks of chemistry with the building blocks of universal dread, spelling out "COSMOLOGY" using actual periodic elements because apparently even our existential questioning needs to be chemically precise. The swirling galaxy of planets below represents everything we know about our cosmic neighborhood—which, according to cosmologists, is simultaneously everything and absolutely nothing when measured against the infinite expanse of spacetime. Our tagline captures the essence of cosmology perfectly: it's the only field where PhD-level mathematics leads directly to 3 AM philosophical breakdowns about the heat death of the universe. This isn't just a t-shirt; it's wearable documentation of humanity's most ambitious attempt to understand why we exist in a universe that seems specifically designed to make us feel insignificant.

Technical Details

• Premium ring-spun cotton blend (70% cotton, 30% dark matter, 0% answers to ultimate questions)
• Full-color cosmic artwork printed using our exclusive "Big Bang™" sublimation technique
• Periodic table elements rendered with actual atomic accuracy (unlike most of our theories)
• Fade-resistant inks guaranteed to last longer than most stellar classifications
• Pre-shrunk to prevent unexpected cosmic inflation
• Available in Deep Space Black (pictured), Observable Universe Navy, and Heat Death Gray
• Double-needle stitching more stable than the cosmological constant
• Ribbed collar maintains structure better than our understanding of dark energy
• Sizes: S-XXXL (all measurements relative to the Planck length)
• Each shirt comes with a complimentary packet of antidepressants (cosmic insignificance sold separately)

Backstory

The "Cosmology" design emerged during our lead artist's 4 AM Wikipedia spiral that began with "how big is the universe?" and ended with ordering emergency therapy sessions and a family-size container of ice cream. After discovering that observable universe contains approximately 2 trillion galaxies, each containing billions of stars, most potentially with planets, our designer experienced what cosmologists professionally term "the overview effect" but civilians call "existential meltdown."

Created using a combination of actual astronomical imagery and artistic interpretation (because representing 13.8 billion years of cosmic evolution on a t-shirt requires some creative liberties), this design celebrates cosmology's unique position as the only science that makes you simultaneously feel like the universe's most important observer and its most insignificant speck of dust. The periodic table spelling reflects the beautiful irony that the same elements forged in stellar cores billions of years ago are now arranged to help humans contemplate their cosmic loneliness.

Each purchase contributes to our "Perspective Therapy Fund," providing crisis counseling for cosmology students who just learned about vacuum decay.

Perfect For

• Astronomy graduate students questioning their life choices at 3 AM
• Physics professors who casually drop "heat death of the universe" into dinner conversations
• Anyone who's ever looked at the night sky and felt simultaneously amazed and terrified
• Philosophy majors who decided to add mathematical rigor to their existential questioning
• Planetarium staff who've memorized the "we are made of star stuff" speech
• Science communicators trying to make cosmic insignificance sound uplifting
• Parents explaining to children why stars eventually die (good luck with that)
• Anyone who finds comfort in knowing their problems are literally astronomically small
• Gift-givers looking for the perfect "congratulations on your cosmology PhD, our condolences" present
• People whose idea of relaxation involves contemplating the cosmic microwave background radiation

• 100% ring-spun cotton
• Sport Grey is 90% ring-spun cotton, 10% polyester
• Dark Heather is 65% polyester, 35% cotton
• 4.5 oz/yd² (153 g/m²)
• Shoulder-to-shoulder taping
• Quarter-turned to avoid crease down the center
• Blank product sourced from Bangladesh, Nicaragua, Honduras, Dominican Republic, Haiti or Guatemala

Disclaimer: Due to the fabric properties, the White color variant may appear off-white rather than bright white.

Age restrictions: For adults
EU Warranty: 2 years
Other compliance information: Meets the flammability, lead, cadmium, phthalates and formaldehyde level requirements.

In compliance with the General Product Safety Regulation (GPSR), Technium Foundry LLC and SINDEN VENTURES LIMITED ensure that all consumer products offered are safe and meet EU standards. For any product safety related inquiries or concerns, please contact our EU representative at gpsr@sindenventures.com. You can also write to us at 2201 Gibson Rd., Jacksonville, FL 32207, USA or Markou Evgenikou 11, Mesa Geitonia, 4002, Limassol, Cyprus.

Size guide