Bionics T-Shirt | Making Humans More Mechanical Somehow

Description

Step into the future of human enhancement with our "Bionics: Making Humans More Mechanical Somehow" vintage laboratory masterpiece – celebrating the scientists who've turned nature into humanity's most patient engineering consultant and biology professor rolled into one. This retro scientific poster showcases our dedicated bioengineering researcher surrounded by the ultimate collaboration between millions of years of evolutionary R&D and contemporary human ambition to become slightly more awesome through mechanical augmentation.

The striking red prosthetic hand reaching toward our scientist represents the beautiful culmination of studying gecko feet for three decades and finally figuring out how to give humans better grip strength without requiring us to evolve sticky toe pads. It's like having a design team that's been perfecting their blueprints for 3.8 billion years and finally agreeing to share their intellectual property with species who've only been using tools for about 300,000 years and still can't figure out how to fold fitted sheets.

Technical Details

• Premium cotton blend (70% cotton, 30% biomimetic inspiration, trace amounts of mechanical envy)
• Vintage scientific poster printing using our exclusive "Enhancement Documentation™" technique with authentic laboratory aging
• Prosthetic hand rendered with more precision than most actual medical devices
• Scientist portrait guaranteed more patient than the average research timeline for human augmentation
• Pre-shrunk using biologically-inspired compression methods (no geckos were consulted)
• Available in Laboratory Green (pictured), Prosthetic Silver, and Enhanced Human Blue
• Double-needle stitching stronger than most natural biological joints
• Ribbed collar maintains structural integrity better than unaugmented human spines
• Sizes: S-XXXL (enhancement packages available upon request)
• Each shirt comes with a complimentary artificial fingertip and a healthy respect for evolutionary engineering

Backstory

The "Bionics" design emerged when our lead artist realized that bionics researchers essentially spend their careers as nature's most dedicated students, taking notes on biological systems that have been beta-testing their designs since the Cambrian explosion and somehow still manage to outperform human engineering on almost every metric. After learning that scientists study shark skin to make better swimsuits and analyze bird flight to improve aircraft efficiency while humans still get winded climbing stairs, our designer experienced what bioengineers call "evolutionary humility" – the humbling realization that nature has been running the ultimate R&D department since before humans invented the concept of intellectual property.

Created in the style of vintage medical research posters with a distinctly optimistic enhancement twist, this artwork celebrates bionics' unique position as the field that treats biological systems like willing consultants in humanity's ongoing project to become more mechanically competent. The patient researcher represents every bioengineering professional who's learned that the secret to human improvement lies in convincing evolution to share approximately 4 billion years of accumulated design experience.

Each purchase contributes to our "Biological Consulting Fee Fund," providing thank-you notes to various species who've unknowingly contributed to human enhancement technology development.

Perfect For

• Bioengineering researchers who've spent years convincing nature to reveal its trade secrets
• Prosthetics designers who've made peace with the fact that evolution is a better engineer than most humans
• Rehabilitation specialists who help humans become more mechanically awesome through technological integration
• Medical device engineers whose job involves reverse-engineering millions of years of biological optimization
• Anyone who's ever looked at a gecko walking up glass and thought "I want that superpower"
• Biomimicry enthusiasts who appreciate that the best ideas were invented before humans existed
• Assistive technology developers who've learned that biology writes the best instruction manuals
• Neuroscience researchers working on brain-computer interfaces for human enhancement
• Anyone who's ever needed a prosthetic device and discovered that mechanical limbs are basically real-life superpowers
• Gift-givers seeking the perfect "congratulations on choosing to make humans more mechanically capable" present

• 100% ring-spun cotton
• Sport Grey is 90% ring-spun cotton, 10% polyester
• Dark Heather is 65% polyester, 35% cotton
• 4.5 oz/yd² (153 g/m²)
• Shoulder-to-shoulder taping
• Quarter-turned to avoid crease down the center
• Blank product sourced from Bangladesh, Nicaragua, Honduras, Dominican Republic, Haiti or Guatemala

Disclaimer: Due to the fabric properties, the White color variant may appear off-white rather than bright white.

Age restrictions: For adults
EU Warranty: 2 years
Other compliance information: Meets the flammability, lead, cadmium, phthalates and formaldehyde level requirements.

In compliance with the General Product Safety Regulation (GPSR), Technium Foundry LLC and SINDEN VENTURES LIMITED ensure that all consumer products offered are safe and meet EU standards. For any product safety related inquiries or concerns, please contact our EU representative at gpsr@sindenventures.com. You can also write to us at 2201 Gibson Rd., Jacksonville, FL 32207, USA or Markou Evgenikou 11, Mesa Geitonia, 4002, Limassol, Cyprus.

Size guide